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I knew motherhood would be hard. I knew it. I knew there would be hard days. Days that I would want to rip my hair out. Some days that I would want to lock my self in the bathroom, or even the pantry, just to have one minute to myself. But on the other hand, I knew it would be the greatest calling in my life. And it has definitely been both.

To be honest, I sometimes question my Heavenly Father, wondering if he knows what he’s really doing?! (Don’t worry, I know that He really does know, but like most, I don’t understand it in the beginning). If he really knows how much more I can handle until I’m to the point of breaking but not quite breaking in half?. (He does.) I have never felt more tried, tested and trusted with anything than I do with my children and motherhood, right now especially.

1 Nephi 2:7–

…..”I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.”

He never gives us more than HE KNOWS we can handle, thus he guides and helps us through to the end. Sometimes I wish he didn’t trust me so much lol but being so trusted with these beautiful little souls, there has never been a higher honor. ♥️

Most don’t know, but last Friday our Little Lexie girl was diagnosed with what is called, Infantile Spasms.  The definition: “Infantile Spasms (IS) is a seizure disorder in babies. The seizures (or spasms) make muscles in the arms and legs stiff and bend the baby’s head forward. They look very much like a startle. Babies also might have slowed development or loss of skills (like babbling, sitting, or crawling).”

Now Lex’s don’t necessarily “look” like what is described. It’s more of a split second “event”. Her eyes roll up (so you see only the bottom of the color of her eye and mostly see the whites of her eyes) and a quick convulsion of her body. These  happen in episodes and each episode consists of multiple split second convulsions (seizures) that are about 45 seconds to 1 minute apart. Her longest episode lasted between 25-30 minutes, with these seizures happening every other minute or so.

These last few days/week have been so incredibly hard to put into words. Such a whirlwind. Well more of a tornado. I know a lot of people have much harder trials, and I praise them. But A mama’s heart is a mamas heart no matter what situation you’re in and a mama’s worst nightmare? ANYTHING bad, harmful or hurtful happening to her kids. I thought (hoped) that being a preemie, in the NICU and being hooked up to machines with wires, would’ve been the hardest and worst thing I would go through with my girls. False. Last Friday, my Lexie girl had about 25 different probes with wires on her head for an EEG. I thought that was hard. Waiting for results. Rough. Having the neurologist call and confirm the diagnosis of IS. Completely broke my mama heart. How much worse could it get? Let’s just say, life is a little rough at the moment. She is taking a high dose steroid to hopefully stop these seizures and hopefully prevent it from developing into a seizure disorder in the long term. Anyone had an infant on prednisolone? Cranky/irritable, constantly hungry. It gets exhausting, especially with two others needing attention as well. But as a mom, you push through it.

Like I said. Last Friday was hard. Wednesday was harder. She had to go in for a MRI of the Brain. Under sedation. I used to work at PCH in Same Day Surgery. I’m used to seeing parents let their kids go with medical pros for an extended period of time. I never truly understood the emotions behind them. Now I do. And she was only sedated not under general anesthesia. Over an hour, I sat there, by myself (stupid COVID) while my baby girl was under sedation getting an MRI of her brain. I never would have thought I’d be saying those words about my 9 month old.  For those of you who don’t know, yes I have anxiety. And my anxiety level after sitting in a small exam room by myself? Yeah, through the roof! Luckily I was able to talk to my mom on the phone the whole time, pretty much kept me from having a complete melt down.

But, I am happy to say,  everything went really well and she slept most of the day yesterday and today has been pretty good! The MRI came back normal. No lesions or malformations of the Brain. But there was “right middle ear and mastoid effusion”, which is just an ear infection. (No the ear infection is not causing the seizures). While a normal MRI is a great thing!, it also means that we still don’t know the cause of these infantile spasms. Now onto Genetic testing and then possibly Chromosomal testing. Unfortunately if those tests also come back normal, there is a possibility that we may never know what is causing these spasms to happen. I’ve never been a fan of the unknown.

Now back to the “right middle ear and mastoid effusion”. Turns out, on top of it all, she has a double ear infection. 🤦🏽‍♀️ I will say, I’m glad we caught that because we also caught that Jordie has a right ear infection too. More quarantine time for us! I will continue to update these next couple weeks, as we go through more testing. Prayers for our little Lex are always welcome and appreciated! 💕

Geez, when it rains it pours right?! There is never a dull moment in our lives, whether it’s good, bad or in between. Who is done with 2020?! This mama right here is! 🙋🏽‍♀️

I know it can be hard, and I’m struggling with it, but if you have faith you can always create your own sunshine! ☀️

Love you so much! 💋

Britt

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I probably shouldn’t write this right now because I am frustrated but I am anyway. I seriously can’t believe how rude people can be. My kids are on WIC. Yes I admit that we have it and I’m truly not ashamed of it. Anyone that has WIC should not be ashamed to partake in this program. Since the girls have been home from the NICU, WIC has been heaven sent. It has done EXACTLY what this program was intended to do; HELP those in need. 

I should probably tell you the story of the couple. I had to go to Walmart tonight for baby food. I had WIC checks for my girls that I needed to use. I followed all the protocols and took the precautions I have been told to do. Social distancing, 6 ft. apart, blah blah blah… I did it all. I have tried not to really go ANYWHERE, especially to WalMart but today, I had to go. With WIC you can’t do the grocery pick up, you have to go inside. So anyway, I needed to get food for the girls because they are getting to the point that they need solids and not all formula anymore. With WIC we get a certain amount of 4 oz puréed food containers a month for EACH girl. Since we get two checks for the puréed food, I try and be fair and split them up throughout the month so we don’t wipe out the shelves in one trip. That’s what I did.

But as I was in line checking out, I had a couple behind me waiting. At first they were okay. But as soon as they saw the WIC checks their whole demeanor changed. They were annoyed. They seemed Disgusted. The man started huffing and puffing. He went and checked other lines like 3 times. Then they started “whispering”, or so they thought. The women turned her back to me so she wasn’t talking in my direction. Extremely obvious. I overheard the man say “This is the shortest line, looks like we are going to have to sit here.” And the woman “She’s on WIC. We are going to be here a while.” And a few more jabs.

Words hurt. I normally could care less about what people think or say about me. But today these words hurt. I truly felt belittled; and I usually have thick skin. I completely understand that it’s a longer process when using the WIC checks. I’m sorry it’s an inconvenience to you. But guess what? WIC is what HELPS put food on the table for my kids. By being on WIC, it doesn’t mean we can’t afford food. It doesn’t mean we are homeless or live in a trailer or whatever other stereotype is connected. It doesn’t mean we are lower class or beneath you. You don’t know me. You don’t know my story. You don’t know the hell me and my family have been through this last year. You don’t know that we just had twins that spent 2 months in the NICU and that we are STILL recovering financially, physically and especially mentally. You don’t know that we have been in and out of the hospital with one of our girls because of a formula allergy that gave her gastroparesis and now needs to be on one of the most expensive formulas. You don’t know that I had to quit my job because child care for 3 kids is too expensive and it’s cheaper to be a stay-at-home mom. You don’t know that due to this COVID 19 quarantine business has slowed down for my husband that has been deemed an essential business/employee. And You honestly don’t know that we have an extremely strong-willed three-nager that I TRY my damndest to parent on the daily and am extremely exhausted, especially today.

So, to the couple behind me…. YOU are the reason the WalMart employee won’t say the WIC word out loud in fear of the current customer being judged harshly. YOU are the reason the people feel ashamed to admit they have/need/want assistance. YOU are the reason and YOU need to change your perspective because YOU don’t know the full story.

So think about what you say and how you say it because you never know who is listening. Rant over.

Remember Love thy neighbor and be slow to anger.

As always, make your own sunshine ☀️

Much love,

Britt ♥️

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“Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men….” (Ether 12:4)

 This year has been a little rough…. don’t you agree? 2020 hasn’t turned out AT ALL the way most of us were hoping for!

Nate and I were driving the other day, I can’t remember where we were going  but Alan Jackson’s ‘Where were you when the World stopped turning?’ And Toby Keith’s ‘Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue’ came on iTunes Radio and I asked Nate “What happened to the Unitedness of the community when 9-11 happened?” I feel with this Covid-19 outbreak, that everyone is basically at each other’s jugular and it’s madness! I was disgusted with people when this all started. I do hope that more people start to take this pandemic seriously and start self-quarantining and social distancing themselves, not just for their sake but for everyone else’s.. This is a time that we need to be united. We need to help those in need. While also keeping ourselves and family safe and as healthy as possible.

It broke my heart hearing my grandpa the other day. They came home from Arizona earlier than planned due to this virus scare. Since they go to Arizona during the winter months, their home isn’t stocked with the essentials like most of our own homes. He, who #1 should not be out in public, went to the grocery store for 1 can of soup. 1 can. Did he find it? Of course not. Because people who, in the end probably aren’t going to eat that soup anyway, have pillaged the stores. Like I said, this is a time that we all need to unite again as a community. As a country. Set aside our differences, our personal beliefs, and help one another. Not be major selfish hoarders that others suffer. Okay, off that soap box, because I obviously could go on and on. And by the way, don’t worry, my parents, mother-in-law and I got my grandparents set. They shouldn’t need to go out in public and risk their health anytime during this outbreak. I do hope though,  that all have been able to get what they need, as much as they need, and were able to leave some for thy neighbor as well!

Anyway, onto what my mind has been redirected to. I remember sitting in Sunday School about 2 months or so ago. I remember looking around and seeing my two beautiful girls sleeping, the lady next to me was scrolling through Facebook,  a little toddler screaming as his mom tried to shush him, and the teacher teaching about Lehi’s vision.

Through all of that, all I could latch on to is the comment the lady In front of me made.

Define the strait and narrow path. Most of us think of a literal straight path. We hold on to the iron rod and walk basically in a straight line.

Did you notice that in the statement “strait and narrow path”, Strait is spelled differently than what most of us think? I didn’t realize this until that moment when she pointed it out.

 So what does “Strait” mean? “used in reference to a situation characterized by a specified degree of trouble or difficulty.” “(of a place) of limited spatial capacity; narrow or cramped.” “close, strict, or rigorous.”

That to me says, this life won’t be an easy road. But what’s the fun without some bumps and bruises along the way? Just kidding. But not really, because it’s true. Have you ever been faced with a challenge or trial  that you think to yourself, “What. The. Heck?”  “Why me?” “Why now?”, then you make it through that trial and have that feeling of accomplishment or self love because you just  proved to yourself and everyone around you of how strong you really are?

Best. Feeling. Ever.

Everything that is worth something in life, never comes easy. Well, at least it never has for me.

In closing, basically what I’m saying is, life is hard. Life is messy. Every trial, obstacle, tribulation, whatever you would like to call it, every single one, good or bad, hard, tempting, terrifying etc…has shaped you into the person you are. Be proud of that.  Be proud of who you are because there isn’t another person like you.

The strait and narrow path looks different for everybody. Be slow to anger and judgment. You never know what someone else is going through.

Remember- Create your own sunshine! ☀️

Love always, Britt 💋

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March 22, 2020, was a very bittersweet day. As you know, that was the day we blessed our girls. As the day progressed, we found ourselves in a heart breaking moment in time. That day we lost an incredible soul. Grandma Luana, Nate’s grandma,  was the sweetest, caring, very stubborn but very inspired, hysterical, determined, loving over all, women I have ever known.

When I first met grandma, she welcomed me with open arms into the family, literally. She was a hugger. LOVED to give hugs! She always reminded me of my Grandma Joanne, and if anyone knows mine and my grandma’s relationship, knows how deeply I love and care for her. That is exactly how I feel about GG Luana. My heart just breaks knowing that She won’t be walking through the front door of my in-laws house anymore. It’s extremely surreal.

I have only known her for the last 10 years but my life has been heavily influenced by her since day one. I have so many memories of GG. Disneyland, camping up at the property, our cruise, all through Nate’s mission, family dinners, all major family events. She barely missed anything, she was always there. One that stands out in my mind is when we were having family dinner at Rob & Natalie’s house and Sawyer and Gage climbed up on GG’s lap and she started reading them a story and all of them were just laughing away! The boys really loved GG and her wonderful kookiness!

She adored the twins. Absolutely ADORED them. I can’t even tell you how many times that I would walk in the room and find Jordie snuggling up to GG. And She would always be able to put Lex to sleep, even when I couldn’t. She definitely had that magic touch. For every great grandchild she crocheted blessing bibs, crocheted collars and painted onesies. Everything was so unique and original from her.

My favorite of all time are the Christmas ornaments that she tatted (a lost art) that I am grateful I get to display every year.

In 2015, Nate’s family, with GG, came to spend Thanksgiving with us down in AZ. One of our friends that we met while we were living there didn’t have any plans for the holiday so he came and had Thanksgiving dinner with all of us. Just the other day, He was talking to my husband when he heard the news and he described her perfectly. He said that she was hilarious and so loving. That’s exactly who she was. She loved everyone from the moment she met them, it didn’t matter who it was! Her contagious laugh and smile will be missed so much!

Another fun fact! She also made the best Lemon Meringue Pies. Nate absolutely loved them! I was eager to have Grandma teach me her ways this summer and make these pies and it breaks my heart that she physically won’t be here to do that. Hopefully she will be watching over me when I try and get through that process! 🤞🏼🤞🏼

But overall, her love for the gospel, for her  Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ was absolutely inspiring. She ate, slept and breathed the teachings of Christ. And her personality would prove that. She has so many perspectives, knew so much about the gospel, and loved to share His words to anyone and everyone. She was so passionate. Truly something I strive for and sometimes struggle with, but it all came so natural to her. She had an amazing spirit. I take great pride in knowing that we will see her again; Families are eternal.

We will soon lay her to rest. It will never be goodbye. She is still so close, just beyond the veil and will live forever in our hearts. 💕

Until we meet again GG! 🌈🌟 We love you so much!

Create your own sunshine ☀️

Love always, Britt 💋

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Hey all! It’s been a minute! Are you all surviving this crazy hysteria surrounding this Coronavirus/Covid-19? Are you all surviving quarantine?

I sent a meme to my sister that said “When you find out that your normal daily lifestyle is called “quarantine.” Haha! I was laughing hysterically when I saw this because it is so true! Especially with two premie babes and trying to keep them and a very energetic 3 year old, healthy. It’s harder than most think!

Yesterday (Sunday, March 22), was an absolute BEAUTIFUL day for some baby blessings! Yes, even in this ‘social distancing’, Nate was able to give both of our girls the most incredible blessings today! Not all of our Family or Friends could be there and we missed them, but it was very special being able to do it in our own home with our immediate fams! One thing that made these blessings so special was that the girls were able to wear my sister’s and I’s blessing dresses that we wore when we were babes! Lexie wore my dress and Jordie wore Bailey’s, and they both looked so incredibly beautiful! My heart felt like it was going to explode, I was so overjoyed!

Now, I’m going to get a little spiritual on you here, but I can’t even begin to tell you how grateful I am that Nate is a worthy priesthood holder and was able to bless them today. The spirit and overwhelming love that was felt from our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ today, was indescribable!

I have no doubt in my mind that this gospel is true. It has been the biggest light and joy in my life. I truly believe that anything is possible through Him, if we have faith. My favorite scripture that I look back to often is Alma 32:21- ‘And now as I said concerning faith—faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true.’

Because I have faith and a testimony of My Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, I have seen many miracles take place and have been blessed with this wonderful life.

I truly have been blessed with the most perfect little family! They ARE my miracles ♥️

Stay safe and stay healthy peeps! Enjoy this time to be with your families. Hug them tight and never let go!

Remember- Create your own sunshine! ☀️

Love always, Britt 💋

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I’ve been listening to a podcast lately and one of the questions they asked/talked about was, “Are you thriving or surviving motherhood?” haha I’m definitely on the surviving end of that spectrum.

Have you ever had one of those days where everything just seems overwhelming, out of your control and extremely chaotic? Maybe one of those weeks? Months? Years? Yeah, I’m having one of each of those.

Last year was especially hard. Everyday I relive a certain 48 hours plus the 48 days following. Most people know exactly what I’m talking about.  I’m talking about the whole shebang when the two most beautiful little girls entered this world. When you read that sentence it makes it seem like it was a perfect day, all bright and shiny, exciting. And it was. Somewhat. Of course I was excited to have the girls, but here is the reality of a/my emergency c-section. Here is the reality I relive in my head and heart every single day.

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I carried my baby girls for 32 long weeks, hoping and wanting to carry them so much longer. I dealt with preeclampsia, preterm labor, had one of the girls with a failing placenta and a growth restriction (IUGR). I also loved, nourished, and prayed for these sweet girls for months. I spent almost two days being poked, prodded, pushed, and cut for these two.

Every mother wants to pull her baby onto her belly and hear that first cry. She wants to be the first to hold her newborn. She wants to watch the father of her child cut the umbilical cord. She wants to hear the oohs and awwws of the nurses as baby is weighed and measured, while someone rubs her forehead and tells her how proud she ought to be, how hard she worked, and how amazing she did.

Instead, c section mommas are wheeled into an operating room and limited to how many loved ones can support them. They are cut open, have their babies pulled from their bellies, and quickly taken away.

We don’t get to see or hold our children first. I sat wondering for minutes, which seemed like hours, if the girls were okay. Unable to move, strapped to the OR bed, as my girls were quickly whisked off to the NICU. I got to hear two little faint cries as they were passed through. That’s all. I was stuck on a table waiting on doctors to stitch my belly back together, while hoping and praying my babies were okay (aka a major anxiety attack in my case).

I delivered Sawyer vaginally, and this was my first experience with a cesarean section. I was scared out of my mind as I had to leave my life and the life of my girls in the doctor’s and the Lord’s hands. I was completely helpless.

While I totally respected cesarean section moms before, July 28, 2019, my eyes were truly opened to how terrifying this process can be. If you think a c section is something to take lightly, you’re wrong. If you think it isn’t giving birth, you’re wrong. If you think its the easy way out, you are SO wrong. You will never know the fear, hopelessness, the heartbreak of a mom that has gone through a cesarean section unless you take a walk in her shoes.

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To be honest, you remember those writings I have started multiple times? This was one of them. I wrote this while sitting in the NICU watching my babies fight. Survive. Hooked up to different monitors.

Through it all, the pain, the trauma, I keep reminding myself that my girls are here, alive, and are now thriving. Also that I am here. I survived and am a mother to two perfect little girls. I thank God  multiple times a day for my life and all the trials I have overcome.

This is where we make our own Sunshine. 🙂

 

Much Love,

Britt

*if you have any questions about my experience or just in general, feel free to comment or email me!*

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I don’t understand it. I’ve been getting this thought on and off for the last like 5 years, that I should start a blog. The last two weeks it has turned into a very strong prompting instead of just a thought. I don’t get it though. I don’t feel I’m a good writer. I know I’m not the best with words. Heck, I don’t really even give out cards on special occasions because of that reason alone. But, it doesn’t hurt to try right?

I’ve started writing a few times before but stopped because I couldn’t think of anything else to say, or better yet, I got distracted and never finished. Each page with only 1-2 paragraphs in, all COMPLETELY different content and none finished.

There are a lot of things that have happened in my/our life these past couple years, this past year especially!

Before I get into the crazy aspects of my life, I should use this first post to introduce myself.

My name is Brittney, I am 27 years old. I am happily married to my love, Nate. We have been married for almost 6 years now, been together 10. High school Sweethearts. We are the very lucky parents of 3 absolutely incredible children; Sawyer (3) and our twin girls, Lexie and Jordie (6 months). We have two pups, Nala (mix) and Petie (Maltese).

I have a passion for sports (softball especially), the outdoors, hunting and camping. I have worked in the medical field for about 10 years, anywhere from assisted living to health office at an elementary school, Primary Children’s to a family practice clinic. So needless to say I have a strong interest in medical as well.

I have recently had to quit my job as a Medical Assistant because our two beautiful daughters were born prematurely and had a little bit of a stay in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). They are home now and are thriving! I will get into that journey in another post.

I am a stay at home mama and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My family is my world! I LOVE to cook and bake. Im going to brag about myself a little. I have some really good recipes and I do have to say, I come up with really good dishes! I do also make “professional” looking cakes. I say “professional” because I don’t believe I’m a Pro by any means, but I have and do make some pretty neat looking and great tasting cakes!

I also have many, many flaws. You’ll come to find that out real quick haha! No one is perfect and Not everything in life is unicorns and rainbows, though, it’s nice to think it is sometimes!

Some days you just have to create your own Sunshine ☀️

I hope to get to know some of you who actually read this.

Much Love,

Britt ♥️

*if anyone has and questions or comments, feel free to comment below or send an email!*